Excessive talking can be socially embarrassing. Everybody likes to talk. A person who can converse well is at an advantage professionally. Socially also he or she will be a success. But the problem arises when a person is talking more than required. People hesitate to interact with someone who talks non-stop. Most of the time his or her conversation may be of no consequence. Others may get bored of what he or she is saying. How to control your excessive speech?
Can One Avoid Excessive Talking?
- One should always have something important to contribute. Whatever you say should have an impact on others. They should want to listen to you. Conversation should be interesting
- Try to allow the other person to say something. It may be difficult, but one needs to practice self-control. A good conversation is a two-way process. All of those taking part in the conversation have much to contribute. Each person must get a chance to say something
- One must seek professional help if excessive talking is a compulsive behavior. Often people speak due to some psychological disorder or problem. A person with a nervous disposition will speak more
- One should avoid being pushy or aggressive while conversing
- One need not express everything on one’s mind. Certain things you must keep to yourself
- Think before you speak. It may be difficult if you are nervous. But it is better to be aware of what your saying. You need not regret later
- One can take up courses in being a good conversationalist. In today’s modern world it has become essential
- Try not interrupting another person’s conversation as far as possible
- Do not talk for the sake of talking. Restraint is good
- Be more conscious of your behavior patterns. Acknowledge that you speak too much and accordingly behave
- Appreciate what others have to say. Listening to other person’s viewpoint allows you to permit him or her to express an opinion
- Be a good listener. People like to be listened to.
- Try to convey things in fewer words. Be brief in what you say
Talking in moderation provides you with better social recognition. You speak what should be essentially conveyed. Excessive talking means, revealing too much about yourself. If it is uncontrollable, then seek professional help.
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i need this help regarding my very close one , he is an llb ,lawyer by profession, at the age of 56 ,divorced 20 years ago,married, divorced & remarried again,but the last one is exceptionally bad, with zero undersatning between them, he loved his 2nd wife , that relation lasted for 5 years then they walked seperate paths , he has two kids one son (28 yrs) settled & on his own ,& a daughter (19 yrs)in college both from the 1st wife ,son stays abroad,& the daughter stays with his 1st wife ,the daughter discards him as her father ,& son has accepted everything as cruel fate $ is in well terms , with him.
i have noticed during my last visit to him, that he smokes almost 60 cigrettes a day , eats once a day,drinks nearly 40 cups of black coffee, & consumes trica5 3 to 4 tablets a day,now the problem is though is blood pressure ,sugar & other stuff is alrite ,he speaks continuously , he repeats the same thing in thousand different ways , he doesnt listen & blabbers continuously , the same old stuff, he is irritating , like a steam engine is throws smoke accompanied with words from his mounth as long as he is awake , words which makes no sense , nothing ………just blabbers errrrrrrhhhhhhhh…HE TAKES PHOTOGRAPHS OF EVERYTHING HE SEES,ALL HE BLABBERS IS HIMSELF , WHAT HE KNOWS IS THE RIGHT , PPL THOUSAND TIMES MORE SUCESSFUL THAN HIM ARE ALL FOOLS , HE IS THE SMARTEST ASS ON THE WHOLE MOTHER EARTH
TELL ME WHAT IS THE TREATMENT .HOW DO I CURE HIM? I NEED MY F RIEND BACK , I HAVE NO CONTROL ON HIM AS`WE STAY IN SEPERATE CITIES
RECOLLECTING HIM,10 YEARS BACK HE WAS STILL THEN A MAN OF LIMITED WORDS
PLEASE HELP
SUMAN
I sufffer from excessive talking and find little information as to how to cure this horrible unmanageable compulsion. I also talk to myself out loud and answer my own questions as if I have an imaginary friend in the room with me. I resorted to telling my husband when he asked to whom I was talking that I was talking to God. Actually, I do pray to God to please send me answers, suggestions, signs and symptoms or any other infromation that would have an end result of a cure. I remember seeing this topic on a talk show several years ago and remember hearing that one rarely is able to cure oneself without consulting with a professional. I have several other diagnoses such as, adhd, post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety with panic attacks, depression and eating disorders. I’m a real mess but keep a sense of humor about it all so as not to go completely madddddd!!!! I am 59 year old female. I had to give up my vocational career in 2006 and now receive social security disability benefits. I miss work. I am home alone and my husband left me because of this excessive talking and interrupting him. The kicker here is that he is extremely deaf and still I got on his nerves. I want help. I am on disability primarily due to a physical disorder, but my many emotional and mental disorders contributed to having to quit working. I miss working. I was employed for thirty four years and ran into a lot of great listeners at work. Now all I have is a dog, a cat, and an invisible talk buddy who lets me do all the talking. Once I have told all there is to tell about myself, I gladly will start over in case anything was missed. I need help. If someone reads this, PLEASE respond with info as to where to seek help. I do not think I am better or smarter or more interesting than anyone else. Quite the opposite. I have little self esteem and few friends. I have considered turning to drung for escape because I do not know what to do and I need relief from this problem.. If I am around others and force myself to remain quiet, they will ask what is wrong, why am I so quiet?? This soon angers me. I am between a rock and a boulder. I find info to read re others who have similar problems but no real directional advice. I am interesting and do feel I have much wisdom to share and if I shut up, no one else seems to have much to say so sometimes I feel like I am responsible to fill in any lulls in social conversation situations. One thing I am sure of, no one can make it go away except me. I do, however have the desire to cure this stuff. just not sure how.
Any ideas anyone??
“
try a rx called LAMICTAL…it helpedme. It helped with the feeling of being pressured to express myself and with talking all the time. good luck
Jalon- Sounds like you truly want to fix this. I feel for you. I know that you can get brain scans done that will reveal which parts of your beain are overactive and then you can be medicated or have therapy to help that overactive area. Possibly there is something like that that is causing this? I know of Amen Clinics. There may be other places with the same services. I would search around. Hope this helps.
i think my boyfriend has this; when we’re out, he just won’t stop talking. he talks about unrelated things that just go on FOREVER, and he won’t even look at me. i don’t know what to do about this. it’s ok once we’re together cuddling. he seems to calm down a little. but other than that it’s like I JUST DON’T KNOW. i’ve told him about it before. maybe i should tell him again.
he’s been into drugs before and he told me this. he’s a very sweet, gentle guy but i don’t know what to do some of the time. being in public can be damn near embarassing. and even being with him is annoying, as we can’t seem to TALK about anything. he is the one talking all the time! and most of the time it just seems like he’s saying witty / funny things to try to make himself look witty / funny. i’m not sure if he has an anxiety disorder. he’s told me he’s borderline on a few things… i’m perfectly fine (mentally) and i don’t know what to do about this. i told myself i would never–in a million years–date someone like this. and here i am! i always thought i would date a completely nice, healthy guy.
and yet.. i can’t really picture myself with anyone else.. this is HORRIBLE.
… addendum …
well, okay. i’ve considered being with other people. i just can’t break his heart. i just don’t feel comfortable being with him and conversing with him. he says we’re intellectual equals, but how can we be, when he’s the one talking? barely do i get to put in my own two cents. and most of the time, after i make a contribution, he’ll continue to yap and yap like i haven’t really said anything. and it’s not like he’ll even talk about things i’m interested in.. that’s the main problem. i always feel so thwarted by his talking.
I have quite a few friends whom i have known for many years burt unfortunately some of these friends a husband and wife are great talkers and talk non-stop when you met them mostly about other people’s business and gossip about other people’s lives. Of course we are all guilty of these things at times but some of the people i know are really into it and sometimes i find it very boring to listen to at times. I sometimes meet these friends once in awhile and when i leave them at the end of the day i feel exhaulsted and can’t want to get home to relax with a bit of piece and quiet (silence is golden as the saying goes) i like these particular friends they are very good hearted would do anything for you but why do they have to bunny so much i ask myself. The funny thing is their favourite song is Chas and Dave’s ( she can’t stop talking she got more rabbit than Sainsbury’s she keep’s giving it that) which is quite ironic.
Dear Anonymous – Oh Mah Gosh! I never in a million years thought there was a person out there that could feel my pain. My boyfriend talks NONSTOP. It’s insane, it’s SO frustrating. About stuff I could care less about – like taxes, interest rates and hockey. I rarely EVER ask questions anymore – knowing too well it will end in a 15 minute soliloquy. When he is pontificating, I NEVER make eye contact, as that only encourages him. I seriously don’t know what to do. Is this a disorder? Or is it just selfish talking? He’s such a sweet sweet, kind, generous man and I feel like the biggest b*t** in the world when I ask him to stop talking, but good lord, I just don’t think I can take it anymore.
I talk too much and I can’t stop myself. I try really hard to listen and it drives me nuts. I want to scream both at the frustration and at myself. It is ruining my marriage, and friends.
I would go to a counselor but what can they say? Take drugs, I don’t believe in them, I hate drugs.
My grandson has asbergers and I know it runs in the family and it makes me wonder if I have it. I know it has a lot to do with being obsessed with stuff and I know I get that way. Once I am into something I can’t let it go.
Why do I feel the need to say so much? Why do I think people need to know everything?
My m-i-l NEVER shuts up. She’s in her mid-70s and has only recently even become aware that she talks excessively (a gross understatement), not that it has made a difference. It’s gotten worse with aging. She’s a sweet, lovable, well-intentioned person, but being in her presence is torture. None of us is going to hurt her feelings and beg her to shut up, but when we part company with her, it’s a huge relief. Her husband of more than 50 years is going deaf, and she wonders why he refuses to get a hearing aid. She can’t be quiet. She can’t do it. Without help, she never will. It must be exhausting to be her. It’s definitely exhausting to be around her.
It seems like abuse of caffeine is also common with excessive talkers. My m-i-l takes a lot of Excedrin, although more stimulation is the last thing she needs.
Here’s a suggestion to excessive talkers. Go online to the Anxiety Disorders Association site, plug your zip code in, and get a referral (http://www.adaa.org/findatherapist). If at first you don’t succeed, try another therapist. Decide within yourself that you’re going to work at this, and that it’s worth doing. Take prescribed medication, and be honest with your therapist about how much caffeine or other stimulants you take. If you had kidney disease, would you refuse to take medication or be treated for that? The disorder you need help with is serious and is having a terrible effect on your whole life. Refusing to get help and do what needs to be done to get better is only dooming you to continue living the way you are the rest of your life.
If my m-i-l would get treatment for her excessive talking, we would all love and appreciate her for getting help. I think she’d be a lot happier if people could enjoy her company, instead of sitting mute with grim, desperate looks on our faces and trying with all our power to remain polite until we can finally leave. We would love it if we could enjoy her company. Everything that’s great about her would come to the front, and it wouldn’t be all about just enduring her endless yammering anymore.
I wish I felt I could tell my mother-in-law these things, and that she would listen. I wish she’d have become aware of the problem with her excessive talking and sought help for it decades ago, but the second best time to do anything about a problem like this is today.
My son-in-law talks non-stop. He has a “personal” story about everything, and sometimes I feel he embelishes the tale to make himself sound great, i.e., one-upmanship. He is the sweetest and kindest person,but has been told by many that “he talks to much.” I do not believe he has a lot of male friends because of this. My daughter and her husband do not have a lot of couple friends. The main problem is when he does talk his favorite topic is himself. He is not a good listener, rarely let’s anyone else speak and when they do, he quickly changes the topic to something about himself. I feel sorry for them as a couple, and especially sorry for my daughter who loves this guys to pieces. Any advice or comments appreciated? Is this a disorder?
hi, normally it is assumed that people keep telling their own story again and again till others acknowledge. you may try this ………the moment he starts telling some story about himself you appreciate it and tell him or ask about it .may be it works, all the best
Recently became friends with a woman who had just lost her mother, been kicked out of the house by her sisters, and had a kid to raise alone. She grew up in Northbrook (affluent) but now lives on disability in a small town w/her kid. She is a box wine drinker. Based on her family story, sounds like it was a bit dysfunctional. I’ve noticed all along that she talks non-stop. What could be said in 1-2 sentences takes her 4-8 sentences. She tends to repeat herself. I have stopped calling her becuase phone calls tended to last hours! I don’t mind sitting w/her having a glass of wine listening but it’s impossible to watch tv or a movie as she talks through the whole thing! I’ve learned to ‘deflect’ her by interrupting with a change of topic – sometimes that gets her to stop, readjust, and then she starts talking again. I can only get a word in edgewise if I loudly talk ‘over her’. What is scary sometimes is that I’ll say Hey I need to get off the phone, and I’ll say that 10 times before she lets me go. I think she suffers from depression and anger and loneliness. But it’s still something serious that needs to be addressed. I feel sad that she has this ‘diarrhea of the mouth’ problem. Any help would be appreciated!
I have the “excessive talking” issue myself. I mean, I’ve seen worse, but I do tend to have rapid speech and talk a lot which is due to my ADHD. I have ADHD, the inattentive type. I have always had it and known about it since grade school, although my mother suspected it at infancy when she tried little tests to observe my atttention span, which was low, but you can’t actually even consider diagnosing a child with ADHD until they are old enough, between 5-7 or something like that. All I know is infants and toddlers don’t’ get diagnosed, even if you suspect it to be the case. Anyway, I was doing some research here via Google search and it is really hard to find anything on communication skill tips relating to excessive talking…interupting others…and so forth due to the excitability that people with ADHD tend to have. Now, luckily my impulses are mostly verbal ones. I don’t have spending sprees like some do. Or, at least, I try to control it by telling myself, “Do I really need that now or can it wait until it goes on sale?” I tell myself that nothing in this world, marterialisticly, is a “must have now.” However, my boyfriend has an aunt who has, but was never diagnosed with, ADHD, inattentive type. It is quite obvious and she knows it too. She also loves to talk, has credit card debt do to her impulsive spending, is very disorganized in her thinking and actions, very cluttered in comparison to his uncle, her husband…you can tell the difference between the two…lol…but, she is very friendly, nice, and easy to get along with. Then again, it could be because we can relate to eachother’s quirks in some way. As time has gone by, I have finally come to the conclusion that I will NEVER be able to marry someone that can fully understand what I am going through. It’s just not possible for me because if I did we would both be full of clutter…scatterbrained…and just simply all over the place in life. Niether one of us would ever really know what time it is or what time we needed to be somewhere and nothing would ever get done either. Now, my current boyfriend, he is the complete opposite. He has a type A personality by a long shot where as I have more of a type B personality, sometimes Type A comes out, but most of the time it is the Type B that comes out, but that’s just because of how I was raised. My mother has Type A…borderline on having an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, more so with cleaning and having all her ducks in a row along with having a higher anxiety level then normal.. And, with her, everything has to be planned out, there is no such thing as “go with the flow” with her even on vacations. I don’t think she even knows what it means to “go with the flow.” And, that goes for a lot of my family members on her side. So, I am used to that and don’t know any different. I like to know what the plans are for a particular day. However, I can go with the flow very easily too. It may be strange and might bring up some mild anxiety, but eventually I just mold to it. But, not my mother. It would drive her insane if it wasn’t planned. She says otherwise, but I know it to be true and so does a lot of loved one’s who know her well enough…lol..Well, here I go again, rambling on and driffting off the topic, sort of. It’s more like driffting off onto another path that could eventually lead back to the path I was on, in the end, if I wanted it too. I kind of did this on purpose. I let my mind go loose so that everyone could see exactly what I am talking about. I didn’t focus on anything or concentrate at all so that you can feel me through words…I have actually thought about writing a book that does just that…more of a book on ADHD, but having my mind ramble and drift, at times, so that the reader can feel what I feel and actually see what I see through the words in itself. I wouldn’t let it drift too far, I would focus at times on the actually topic of ADHD so that I don’t bore the reader, but I would drift from time to time so that they can get the feel of the story and feel like they have jumped into the book as well. And, in all actuallity, if you really think about it, letting the mind drift from one thing to another that could easily be lead back onto the previous path it was on is all part of ADHD. So, it would show the inattentative, lack of attention spand, constant wondering of the mind…it would actually give insight to ADHD in itself and how people with ADHD think as a whole. Just reading an informational book on ADHD, in my opinion, isn’t enough. Getting the feel of how someone with ADHD thinks, now that is plenty enough. Growing up in the early 90s, not everyone understood me, as a person. My peers, in school, always looked at me as if I was from another planet and I had very little friends. At the time, it didn’t bother me becaause I had family for support. I had a cousin for a best friend and I was brought up to be family oriented. So, with that all said, I was not completely alone in the world. But, did I wish that one day I would wake up and it would all be gone? Did I wish I would think and act the way society wanted me to act.? Did I wish I would be viewed as normal and have millions of friends? Of course! Who doesn’t want to mold to society and not feel like no one understands you…feel like you are an outcaster…but, now, I give up on that, to an extent. I have finally realized that I should just try to be myself, within reason. But, at the same time, I would like to, maybe not cure, but improve my excessive talking. Also, I was thinking that this book could possibly help other’s who do not have ADHD see and feel what I and many other’s with ADHD see and feel…our sensitivity (we can be on emotional roller coasters at times, some more then others depending on the type of ADHD they have…our distractability…our inability to focus on conversations due to our minds wondering and thinking about other things…our rapid speech (kind of like Bipolar, but less severe)….our poor judgment (again, some worse then others)…and so forth. People need to know what ADHD is. They should better understand the disorder because that way it helps with the probems that go with the disorder like poor self-esteem (feeling like no one likes you for who you are, feeling worthless, or feeling like you are defective and many more). It can also help them gain more social skills knowing that there are people out there that don’t look at them oddly and who better understand the disorder. It can also relieve the anxiety and stress from the constant worrying of what people think of them as a whole. People with ADHD tend to be put down a lot due to their quirks. They tend to be made fun of for who they are and thus this makes them feel like they are not good enough, to some extent. Like me, I use to think I wasn’t good enough, as a person, because of the constent teasing I went through for 6 years, when I was in the public school. And, then, when I started private school, the peers just ignored me, talked about me behind my back, and looked at me oddly. Also, on top of the ADHD, I also had hearing loss due to a chronic ear infection as an infant. I guess I had so much fluid build up and so they had to place tubes in my ears which caused partial nerve damage. In the end, it resulted in me having hearing loss that my parents were told, numerous of times, could not be helped with hearing aids. However, I am currently wearing hearing aids (actually, surprising enough I have played the piano since age 8-9 and am currently a typist, a medical transcripstionist for a psychiatric oupatient facility) and have been wearing hearing aids since the 12th grade. Apparently, the way it was explained to me, when I upgraded to a new pair just recenlty, back in the 80s and 90s they did not have the proper technology to pick up the really high and really low frequencies that I was always missing. I could hear someone okay when I was focusing on them and they were talking to me face to face, but if I was moving around and they were saying something to me from a distance, or worse, from behind me, I either missed half of what was being said or I didn’t catch anything but mumbling which would frustrate my Obssessive-Compulsive mother…lol…and, kids would make fun of me behind my back and I wouldn’t even notice. Although, maybe that part was a good thing…my low self-esteem could have been far worse had I actually known what was going on. It was actually a mixed combo of hearing deficit and attention deficit…
Come to think of it, if anyone wants to comment on my book that I was thinking of writing please do so. Is it a good or bad idea? Do you think I would draw attention to others to read it or would it be boring. I mean, like I said, I wouldn’t drift for long. Boring books can be very hard to read, I know. And, for someone with ADHD, it would be harder. Oh, I forgot to mention that I would like to also draw in the ADHD group as part of my audience so that they can realize that they are not alone in the world. They are not the only one’s suffering from this disorder. I am slowly starting to figure this one out myself, as an adult. I felt like I was alone, peer wise, but the more and more I meet people, now, the more I find out it just isn’t true. I have already found two people, outside of family, that suffer from it. And, it is nice to be able to talk about it, the pros and cons to having the disorder. I mean, there has to be some positive aspects, right. If you thought negativelyl about it all the time then that would just lead to depression or even worse, suicide!!. If you have ADHD, it is here to stay! There are ways to manage it, but there is and probably never will be a cure! But, ADHD, for me, is a part of me. And, it kind of makes me who I am as a person. Some things I know I should improve, and other’s I don’t want to improve like my excessive talking….I could improve…the sensitivity to certain things…it depends on the situation. In some situations, I should not be as sensitive, but in other’s it’s okay to be sensitive or in my case overly sensitive…it is also part of being a woman too!
Wow…I had no idea how long that was. I tried to break it up, but I could only break it up into 2 paragraphs, unfortunately…sorry to all that read the verbose post right up above…lol…it is an interesting read though, at least I think it is and hopefully, despite the excessive words, I hope other’s think it to be intersting as well…
I wonder how long it takes for the moderation process. You can never tell. Sometimes they are instant and other times you have to wait forever to get a post onto a forum and with my verbose comment….lol…yeah….it might be too long….well see…lol…I’m outta here. I should be getting back to work…fous…will power…concentration…lol…that’s what my boyfriend tells me when we go bowling since that is what sports is all about and I always say “Good luck to that pal!” At least, it’s not easy that’s for sure. But, come to think about it, maybe bowling is a good way to learn how to improve my lack of focus…will power..concentration and gain more consistency in my life…lol…
He also calls it being “consistent with my inconsistencies!” I always have to get a laugh at that comment because it is sooooooo true with me and probably with anyone who has ADHD. You just have to learn how to manage it. Like I said, there is no cure, but you can make it better without changing who you are as a person:)
my mom has had this problem since her first words. my grandfather used to swear she said a first paragraph not a first word and she has not shut up since. i find it oppressing. i learned to talk way later than most kids because she would not close her bombastic word machine. to make things worse my brother over talks me in social situations. i will start out telling a personal story that has nothing to do with him and he will very loudly take over my story as if it was his story like he’s taking credit for my personal experience. my mom obviously has o.c.d. she is an obsessive hoarder, talker, worry wort. my dad could no longer tolerate this behavior and fled to another state. i understand that this is a disorder. i also believe it to possibly be hereditary as i believe my brother to be in the early stages. this said i still should not have to deal with it. if you have a problem it is your problem. i have my own problems to deal with. it is up to you to seek help. not my job to tolerate it. if you have this disorder you owe it to yourself and everyone else to seek help.
I gotta laugh dears! I mean this has to be the funniest thing to write about.! These stories are funny to me, endearing and so honest, And of course, even long winded ! I do relate to the excessive talkers here! I wake up some days feeling hung over as if I was on a drunk the night before and danced naked on the table tops. I regret my excessive talking that much. But it is only when I have a subject that I am very passionate about that I can’t shut up– at least until I think the other person has heard me. If they respond with a few nods or questions then I can settle down. But I have a friend who will refuse to make comments or gestures of approval or disapproval when I talk on passionate subjects. Like she knows that is what I require, she isn’t stupid to the human condition, but won’t give it to me! She drives me to the brink of feeling absolutely insane! So I blame it on her ridiculous apathy, however, I know I am wrong. She is my only friend ( a retired clinical psychologist, paradoxically enough) and I am afraid of jeopordizing the friendship because of my excessive need to be understood. We are friends and it is all about subjectivity. I just have to keep my faith in it and realize that I talk too damn much! And lucky I am that she can sit so patiently for an hour at a time and listen without interruption. But that is what I hate! I want to be interrupted. She can’t get off the therapy wagon. However, since having her as a friend I have come to realize my absurd ability to talk the arm off a chair! I would go to therapy but I can’t afford it, so I will work hard next time to simply remain concious of my potential for linguistic ranting and remember MODERATION is the best medicine!
my best friend is driving me away with his excessive talking. i really want to run and hide from him when i know he’s going to be around. he’s extremely bright, sweet and kind but it’s so frustrating that i just want to strangle him. i can feel my blood boiling the second he opens his mouth because i know that i will be trapped there listening for what seems like hours. it is intolerably frustrating to be around him for any length of time. i feel horrible that i can’t be more understanding and tolerant of him. he’s always been such a good friend and is really like a family member. i don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him to be quiet all the time. he doesn’t even seem to notice non-verbal cues from people like when their eyes glaze completely over or they try to move physically away from him. he only moves in closer!
i think that he must have some form of ADHD but i know that he would never take meds or even see a shrink for help. i feel so disappointed in myself for not being able to deal with him any more. he doesn’t deserve such a crappy friend. there was a time when i could deal with it better but now it just makes me crazy.